Lately my head’s been spinning with all the things I want to do. It makes me feel exited to be alive, but often one thing after another pulls me in a different direction. As I’m distracted from what it is I wanted to be doing, I find myself sorting through some old paper work throwing this and that away. I find some notes I wrote down from the book “Tuesday’s with Morrie.” It’s Morrie’s theory on the tensions of opposites. He says, “like a rubber band life pulls us back and forth. It pulls us in one direction that we think we want to go. Then it pulls us in another direction of what we think we have to do.”
Wow! That’s exactly the way it feels to me.
Morrie goes on to say, “it becomes like a wrestling match.” When asked who wins in the end, he says, “love always wins.” However, he goes on to say, “when you can’t see it yet, maybe it’s because the game isn’t over yet.”
So I’m thinking, what’s love got to do with it? Then I realized many of the things that are getting in my way are simple distractions I create myself. That’s where the real wresting match begins, and that’s not loving myself very much. All the other things that seem like have-to’s have actually been opportunities for me to love others. So, in the end, Morrie’s right, love really does have everything to do with it.
God always find a way to show us what we need to hear when we need to hear it, and today I found his message from an old scrap of paper I wrote a long time ago. Amazing!
Today the first words I write in my journal is a chant from the 60’s. “The whole world is watching.” I don’t think I must explain why with all the confusion and unrest in our county right now many of us are caught in the anxiety it’s created. But what is it about this chant that feels so familiar? “I’ll google it,” I say to myself. This being one of the things I like most about the instant information we have at our finger tips.
I’m taken back to a time in my life that was full of unrest between people’s feelings, rights and beliefs. While its true we’ve come a long way baby, we’re still dealing with the same issues today only on a different level of understanding or should I say misunderstanding.
Hum! I hear the words of my Dad echoing back to me from a far, “history has a habit of repeating itself Connie.”
As I ponder the thought of this repeated history I realize it’s bigger than any one person. It’s an accumulation of all of us. But I also see the correlation to my own repeated struggles. How they come back to haunt me, wearing a different disguise, and always playing out under a different scenario. Eventually I come to see the similarities, and the lesson that it holds within it. I ask myself at this point what is it that I need to change within myself to see what this lessons has to offer me. I know that none of us likes to think that we are a part of the problem, but if we hold onto anger, frustration and discontent we add to the ball of fire it creates. It’s not anyone else fault what we feel or choose to experience. Whatever goes on inside of us that isn’t already a part of who we are, enters in from the outside. It’s the people we associate with, the things we read, what we watch on TV, and stream of information that’s at our finger tips. It’s the faith we practice and political stance we follow. Wherever our thoughts are is where we’ll find ourselves.
So, what have I learned from the chant that was playing in my head? What was it trying to tell me about myself? I realize that I’m one tiny being among the many, but the whole world is still watching. The whole world is still affected by whatever I add or take from it. So if I want to see a change in world for the better good of all human kind, than I must be the change I want to see first.
Even lady liberty is frustrated with our country and it’s political system.
Maybe she’s simple embarrassed to be seen as the first symbol of freedom and justice for all?
Maybe she’s irritated with the two candidates running for president who don’t represent the county she has stood many years for?
Maybe she feels like the country she’s come to represent is falling apart?
Maybe right now she represents how we all feel?
I have this rebellious streak in me, and when it is challenged, my ego is in its glory. Why, because it has my full attention and nothing else can enter in. It’s sucks me away from my soul, and I feel splintered from my own truth. I am captured by it like a bug in a spider web. I can go for days letting my rebellion turn into a fighting match. It usually doesn’t occur with actual people because I don’t like conflict. The battle goes on in my head about what I want to say, but don’t. I know that makes me passive, and maybe to some its not the way they would do things, but it keeps me from doing something I might regret. It gives me the time I need to find my way back to my soul. It’s only in this place that I can make the right choice about the things I am passionate about. That is after all where the rebellion comes from those things that we are passionate about. It is only when they are challenged that we can dig deeper into their meaning for us. Its one thing to believe in what you are doing and what it stands for. Its another thing to let that rebellious streak turn you in the opposite direction. So I fight the fight like we all do. In the end I have to ask myself what is the intention in my action.
Is it for the greater good of all or is it just to feed my ego. Hum!!!
And there I have my answer!