As I’ve been working on letting go it’s opened a whole new space for fun things in my life. So I had this idea to paint my clay pots. As I sat down to do each one I had no plan of how I was going to do them. Letting go of control seems to be the main source that gets in the way of what I really want, and that is to simple “be.” Listening to my inner voice, trusting in the process feels difficult when I keep getting in the way. I want to do everything perfect, but I can’t, it simple sets me up for failure.As I began my pots I went with the creative flow inside me. There was no rhyme or reason to what I was doing I just expressed. They are as imperfect as they come, but what I learned was to see the beauty that lies behind the imperfection. There are no two pots alike, and no matter how hard someone would try to duplicate what I did there is only one of a kind. Maybe that’s the way God went about creating each one of us, He just went with the creative flow and not one of us is alike either. That makes us about as special as each of my pots.
Sometimes I feel like I have lots of different personalities inside me fighting to be expressed. I know it sounds a bit schizophrenic, but it’s not that serious. It feels more like I have my own corporation going on inside me, and each partner wants to be heard, expressed and giving the opportunity to do what they feel is most productive for the good of all.
So I imagine that each partner within my corporation has their own departments to run:
• There’s the work ethic department that takes care of our house which involves upkeep, cleaning, repairs and design.
• There’s the health department that oversees diet, food planing shopping, exercises, mental balance, and healthy hygiene.
• There’s the creative department in charge of crafts, gardening, and various other hobbies.
• There’s the communications department that takes care of writing daily post, writing books, and fulfilling various other ideas.
• There’s the social department that makes sure that the important people in my life are touched in someway by phone call, card, visit, dinners, gifts, parties and prayer.
• There’s the family department that involves my husband, children, grandchildren and now our first upcoming great-grandchild. There’s my sisters, brother, and in-laws.
• There’s the holiday department that takes care of birthdays, Easter, thanksgiving, Christmas, and various family picnics, visits and gifts. Everyone matters and making sure no one is left out is a great responsibility.
• The most important department is the spiritual one, because it holds all the others together and reflects all that I believe and stand for. In this department there is prayer, meditation, contemplation, reading and learning.
I expect the best, because I want everything I do to reflect what’s in my heart and soul. I want everyone in my life to feel as important as they are to me. So when I’m unsure how to do something I research and study how to do it right.
Wow! When I put it into words like this it really does seem overwhelming, and I can see how it can become chaotic. All those different parts of me shouting to be heard. It’s at this most important point of realization that I can see what I’m doing wrong. I’m trying to do it all on my own and I’ve forgotten to consult with the most important “partner” I have…”God.” It truly is a bigger job then I can handle on my own. So together we work, and do great things for it is always with Him, in Him and through Him that great things happen and fall together.