As I’ve been working on letting go it’s opened a whole new space for fun things in my life. So I had this idea to paint my clay pots. As I sat down to do each one I had no plan of how I was going to do them. Letting go of control seems to be the main source that gets in the way of what I really want, and that is to simple “be.” Listening to my inner voice, trusting in the process feels difficult when I keep getting in the way. I want to do everything perfect, but I can’t, it simple sets me up for failure.As I began my pots I went with the creative flow inside me. There was no rhyme or reason to what I was doing I just expressed. They are as imperfect as they come, but what I learned was to see the beauty that lies behind the imperfection. There are no two pots alike, and no matter how hard someone would try to duplicate what I did there is only one of a kind. Maybe that’s the way God went about creating each one of us, He just went with the creative flow and not one of us is alike either. That makes us about as special as each of my pots.
I don’t think I can count how many times I’ve been given a wakeup call. They come in one way or another like a health issue that pops up putting a scare in your life. An accident where you realize you’re lucky to still be alive. The loss of a pet, friend or loved one. These are all life altering scenarios that call for a change in our life.
So, the question becomes, “If not now, when?”
For as Mark Nepo says in his reading today, “There is no tomorrow, only a string of todays.”
I had a friend once who seemed to have it all. She was smart, well educated, successful, classy, charismatic, faithful church goer, involved, and giving in so many ways. However, when it came to her own pain and suffering she didn’t know how to let go of the control she used to make everything else in her life work so well.
I made her up a care bag full of things I thought might help her through this journey. It had a stress ball to squeeze when the pain got bad. Lavender Epson salts to soak and relax in the bathtub. Chocolate kisses to treat herself with a bit of decadence, and a Meditation CD to calm her thoughts enough to meet right in the middle with God. She loved the bag of goodies and was eager to try anything, but when I checked in with her a few days later she said that she didn’t know how to make any of it work for her. I knew right away what she was talking about. I’d been there myself many times. It’s because we get in the way, trying to take control of what we can’t do in the normal scheme of things on our own. As a matter of fact it doesn’t seem logical at all. I mean how can anything change if we don’t take control of the situation, right? Well how’s that working for you so far?
I tell myself It’s all about going deeper reaching within my soul to reconnect not only with the God who created me, but with everything else He created as well. Reeducating myself constantly to touch base with what I instinctively know, but sometimes forget along the way. Opening myself to trust in what I know in my heart, but can’t explain in words. I think how easy it is..when I get out of the way
A friend asked me a few weeks again, what is it that you want out of life? All I could think of was that I simple want to “be.” I’ve been on my caterpillar journey. Moving upon the various path. Taking in all the nourishment, knowledge and understanding I could get along the way. Never quite knowing where I’m going, only knowing that something instinctively inspires me to keep going. Now I find myself up a tree and resting upon a branch. I can see from this place everywhere I’ve been and what I’ve learned along the way. It’s time to begin to let go of what no longer serves me at this point in my life, but this is the hardest part of life yet because it means trusting in what seems illogical. I mean how can I let go when I need to hang on in order to go through the process of metamorphose or transformation.
And so, this is where I’ve been these past few weeks sitting on my branch looking out over my life. Getting rid of this and that. Feeling lighter with less weight holding me down. Yet I find myself holding on tighter as I pray for the courage I need to move onto the next stage. I contemplate the quote above that reminds me that, “Nothing happens until the pain of remaining the same outweighs the pain of change.” I’ve still a long way to go, but a caterpillar has many feet to hang on with. I’m learning to let go one foot at a time, and each time I trust a little bit more in that which goes beyond the self. For I have come to believe that the God I know wants nothing more then for me to become the beautiful butterfly…He created me to be.
In Mark Nepo’s daily reading today he says, “Honest friends are doorways to our souls, and loving friends are the grasses that soften the world. It is no mistake that The German root of the word friendship means, “place of high safety.” This safety opens us to God. As Cicero said, “A friend is a second self.” And As Sant Martin said, “My friends are the beings through whom God loves me.”
Wow! When you think of it that way…could there be any greater or simpler ambition then to be a friend.
“The Book of Awakening” by Mark Nepo
May 18th reading pg 165.